"Self-Evident Truths About Pets"

* Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever.
Buy a cat a present and it will play with the
wrapper for 10 minutes.

* Although cats are rather delicate creatures,
and they are subject to a good many ailments, I
never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

* Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact
moment their owners will wake up. Then they
wake them 10 minutes sooner.

* Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

* Dogs shed, cats shred.

* I wonder if other dogs think poodles are
members of a weird religious cult?

* No one appreciates the very special genius
of your conversation as the dog does.
* Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's
best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

* I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks
I am.

* Don't accept your dog's admiration as
conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

* People that hate cats will come back as dogs
in their next life.

* We wonder why the dogs always drink out
of our toilets, but look at it from their point of
view: Why do humans keep peeing into their
water bowls?

* Women and cats will do as they please ...
men and dogs should relax and get used
to the idea.

* When a man's best friend is his dog, that
dog has a problem.

* In order to keep a true perspective of one's
importance, everyone should have a dog that
will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.