When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions
with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a
paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim
for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help,because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can
actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep
perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent
possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is
nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using
bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I
cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for
Rules for non pet owners who visit and like to complain about our
1. The dog lives here. You don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the
3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, she's a dog. To me, she's an adopted daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money
all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never
your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or
don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your
don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get
pregnant, you can
sell the pups.